A Catholic priest in Ireland had some very dire warnings for his parishioners concerning the evils of yoga last week. During a sermon about the Devil and exorcism, he naturally felt compelled to voice his concerns about the risks humanity faces by “seeking spiritual answers in yoga classes”.
To his credit, he based all his arguments on factual evidence written by the Church. These facts are all true because the Church said so.
Here are a few of the highlights from his very enlightened (and enlightening) sermon:
1. Yoga is part of a dangerous “new age” movement. This is dangerous.
2. The Church is concerned about the dangers of “new age” practices and has written documents to prove this. (See? Research! Presumably this research spells out what constitutes a “new age” practice, given that yoga has been around for 5,000 years?)
3. These documents make up a large body of evidence that yoga is bad for us physically, mentally AND spiritually. (Again, this is based on empirical research conducted by the Catholic church).
4. Yoga is linked to Satan. (Duh!?)
5. Indian head massages (or having your head touched outside of a sacramental touch such as baptism) will summon bad spirits. (Fire your hairdresser. ASAP!)
6. Head massages and yoga were NOT invented by Christianity (Fail.)
7. Yoga is a spiritual health risk. (The meditation part, especially.)
8. Adopting practices from other cultures (such as head-touching and yoga) opens us up to danger, and that’s dangerous. (Stay home, lock your doors and watch Fox News. Forever.)
9.The “bad spirit” isn’t 100% contagious. Not EVERYONE “gets” it. (Phewph!!!)
If you want to learn more about how yoga will cause the downfall of mankind, click the link below. While you’re doing that, I’ll be getting my head massaged, opening my chakras and meditating on all the wars that were started in the name of yoga throughout history. Ooooommmmmmm.